Understanding Your Partner's Love Language: Discovering the Different #LoveLanguages to Improve Your #Relationship and Your #Romance #Stories

I first heard about love languages a few years ago. In fact, I wrote about them on this blog at the time. I thought they were fascinating then, and I still think they’re awesome. One of the reasons I think my marriage is so amazing and has lasted so long—32 years and counting—is communication.  

In any relationship, communication is key. This is especially true when it comes to expressing love and affection and creating bonds. Everyone has their unique way of giving and receiving love, often referred to as their "love language." Understanding your partner's love language can significantly improve your relationship by giving you a special connection. Let’s take a look at these love languages.

The Five Love Languages 

Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship expert, identified five primary love languages in his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. He has since gone on to pen several more books in this area. 

These love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation: People with this love language value verbal expressions of love, encouragement, and appreciation. They feel most loved when their partner offers sincere compliments and verbal support.

2. Quality Time: This love language is all about giving your undivided attention to your partner. People who value quality time feel most loved when their partner spends time with them, engages in meaningful conversations, and participates in shared activities.

3. Receiving Gifts: For some people, receiving thoughtful and meaningful gifts is their primary love language. This does not necessarily mean materialism; rather, it's about the thought and effort put into selecting the perfect gift that shows how much you care.

4. Acts of Service: Those with this love language feel most loved when their partner performs actions to lighten their load or make their life easier. This can include tasks like cooking dinner, running errands, or helping with chores.

5. Physical Touch: Physical touch is essential for people with this love language. They feel most connected to their partner through hugs, kisses, hand-holding, and other forms of physical affection.

You can discover your love language by taking the Love Language Quiz Dr. Gary Chapman developed to help you and your partner identify your love languages. Both of you can take the quiz and compare your results for better understanding. I did this with my husband and discovered that my love language is Words of Affirmation. Hub’s love language is Physical Touch. Discovering our love languages made all the difference once we knew how to show love effectively to the other. Up until then, I’d tell him a zillion times a day that I love him and, since his primary love language is touch… 😊. Now he verbalises his love more and I’m the touchy-feely one.

If your partner hasn’t taken the quiz, you might still be able to identify their Love Language:

To understand your partner's love language, consider the following steps:

Observe their behaviour

Pay attention to how your partner expresses love towards you and others. What actions do they take to show their love? Do they frequently offer compliments, spend quality time, give gifts, perform acts of service, or engage in physical touch?

Listen to their complaints

When your partner expresses dissatisfaction, take note of the underlying issue. Their complaints can reveal what they feel is lacking in the relationship and may hint at their love language.

Ask them directly

Have an open and honest conversation with your partner about their love language. Discuss the five love languages and ask which one resonates most with them. Be prepared to share your love language as well.

Improving Your Relationship Through Love Languages

Once you've identified your partner's love language, make a conscious effort to incorporate it into your daily life. Here are some tips for each love language:

Words of Affirmation

Regularly express your love and appreciation for your partner through compliments, praise, and encouragement. Be genuine and specific in your expressions.

Quality Time

Schedule regular date nights or activities that allow you to focus on each other. Engage in deep conversations and listen attentively to your partner's thoughts and feelings.

Receiving Gifts

Surprise your partner with thoughtful gifts that reflect their interests and desires. Remember, it's the thought that counts, so even small tokens of affection can go a long way.

Acts of Service

Look for ways to lighten your partner's load or make their life easier. Offer to help with chores or errands, and make sure to follow through on your commitments.

Physical Touch

Cultivate physical affection and closeness in your relationship to make your partner feel loved and secure.

Here are some tips for each love language:

1. Words of Affirmation:

• Leave heartfelt notes or messages for your partner to find.

• Publicly acknowledge your partner's achievements and express how proud you are of them.

• Send loving texts or messages.

• Reassure your partner of your love during difficult times.

2. Quality Time:

• Create a technology-free zone during quality time to minimize distractions.

• Try new activities together to bond and create lasting memories.

• Share your goals, dreams, and aspirations with each other.

• Learn about your partner's interests and participate in them.

3. Receiving Gifts:

• Keep a list of things your partner mentions they like or need for future gift ideas.

• Celebrate milestones and special occasions with personalized gifts.

• Create handmade gifts to add a personal touch and demonstrate your effort.

• Plan surprises or experiences, such as a romantic weekend getaway or a  surprise date night.

4. Acts of Service:

• Be proactive in noticing your partner's needs and addressing them.

• Learn about your partner's preferences and tailor your acts of service accordingly.

• Team up to tackle larger projects or chores together.

• Be consistent and reliable in your acts of service to build trust and security.

5. Physical Touch:

• Establish regular routines for physical affection, like hugging or cuddling before bed.

• Hold hands or put your arm around your partner when walking or sitting together.

• Give your partner a massage or a comforting touch when they're stressed or tired.

• Learn about your partner's preferences for physical touch and make an effort to meet their needs.

Of course, as an author, I started thinking about how romance writers can use love language to add depth to their novels.

Romance authors can skillfully incorporate the concept of love languages into their novels to create engaging and relatable stories. By understanding and integrating the five love languages, authors can develop rich, dynamic characters and compelling romantic relationships. Here are some ways to incorporate love languages in romance novels:

Character Development

When creating characters, consider giving each one a primary love language. This helps establish their personalities and motivations, making them more relatable to readers. Understanding a character's love language can also guide their actions and reactions throughout the story.

Relationship Dynamics

Use love languages to add depth to the romantic relationships in your novel. Show how characters with different love languages might struggle to understand or appreciate each other's expressions of love, leading to tension or conflict. Alternatively, explore how characters with the same love language might find a unique connection or deeper understanding of one another.

Conflict Resolution

Utilize love languages as a tool for resolving conflicts between characters. As the characters learn to appreciate and adapt to each other's love languages, they can grow individually and as a couple. This growth can serve as a catalyst for resolving misunderstandings or disagreements in the story.

Plot Points

Love languages can be used to create interesting plot points or challenges that the characters must overcome. For instance, a character might struggle to express love in their partner's love language, leading to feelings of inadequacy or frustration. Alternatively, a character might need to learn their partner's love language to save the relationship or win their love.

Symbolism

Use the different love languages as symbols or motifs throughout your novel. For example, a recurring theme of physical touch might symbolize a character's longing for connection, while acts of service could represent a character's desire to prove their love and commitment.

Emotional Depth

Incorporate love languages to create emotional depth in your story. As characters express love in various ways, readers can relate to their feelings, desires, and insecurities. This connection can evoke strong emotions, making the story more engaging.

Teachable Moments

Use love languages as a means to educate readers about the importance of understanding and appreciating different expressions of love. By showcasing characters learning and growing through their relationships, you can offer valuable insights and lessons to your audience.

You know I had to bring this back to writing, right? I hope this has given you some ideas. If so, please let me know in the comments section below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

10 Unconventional Date Ideas for Couples: Inspiration for Romance Authors #romancewriters #writerscommunity #writersoftwitter #writers #writerslife

As a romance author, I’m always on the lookout for unique and exciting date ideas for my main characters. To me, there is nothing more boring than reading about the heroine and the hero going on a date. I prefer the “date” scenes to be unusual. Let’s face it, the dinner date has been done to death. Yes, I have a few in my romances, which is probably why I’m sick of them. But, on the other hand, I always make sure my dinner date scenes are in some way unusual. At the end of the day, it's the chemistry and connection between the hero and heroine that creates a memorable date scene. 

Anyway, now that I’m back to writing, I’ve been on the hunt for date ideas that would inspire me to write stories that create experiences for my characters. Dates that are not only romantic but also allow the hero and heroine to grow closer and strengthen their bond.

I thought you might enjoy some of the ideas I’ve come up with. 

I’ve searched for inspiration in a variety of places, from personal experiences to travel blogs, and even social media. I love the unconventional and unexpected. These have got to be the most memorable dates, I think. Why go out to dinner, when you can go for a more adventurous date. 

Something like:

1. A hot air balloon ride. It's a unique and romantic way to see the world from a new perspective. Can’t you just picture your hero and heroine taking in the fabulous scenic views and creating memories that will last a lifetime?

2. Volunteer together: I also like the idea of my characters volunteering together, whether it's at a local animal shelter or a community garden. It not only shows their selflessness but also allows them to work together, giving them lots of bonding time.

3. Cooking classes: Watching the MC and love interest learn to cook a new dish together can be both humorous and romantic, especially when they make a mess or get into a friendly argument over the recipe.

4. Dance lesson: There are so many ways we can incorporate this into a romance and it's a great way for the hero and heroine to get out of their comfort zone and experience something new together.

5. Explore hidden gems in their city or wherever they happen to be: I LOVE exploring! Discovering new places is just the most amazing thing and it can create a sense of adventure and spontaneity in the character’s relationship.

6. Scavenger hunt: I love the idea of a scavenger hunt. This would be a fun way for the hero and heroine to work together to solve clues while discovering new places, things about each other, and experiencing unique challenges.

7. Picnics in the park: Enjoying the outdoors and each other's company can make for a romantic and intimate date.

8. Escape Room: Solving puzzles and riddles together in an escape room sounds like a fun and challenging way for the hero and heroine to work together and bond over their shared love for problem-solving.

9. Attend a murder mystery dinner: This sounds like it can be a lot of fun for the hero and heroine as they put their detective skills to the test. Not only will you get to dress them up and write the fancy meal, but the MCs will get to work together to solve a fictional crime.

10. Stargazing: Send the H/h to a secluded spot away from the city lights and let them spend the night stargazing. What a romantic and peaceful way for the hero and heroine to connect with each other and the universe.

And, of course, there’s always the Surprise Date. I think it’d be romantic to have the hero surprise the heroine with a mystery date, where she has no idea where they're going or what they'll be doing. This has got to be a great way to add excitement and spontaneity to their growing relationship.

Since the romance story is all about creating memorable moments that will stay with my readers long after they finish the book, I think sending the characters on exciting dates would serve the purpose, don’t you?

As a writer, how do you come up with ideas for the “date” scenes in your romance?

And, as a reader, what are your favourite date scenes from romance novels that have stayed with you?

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The Art of Writing Heart-Wrenching Breakup Scenes #WritersLife #WritingRomance #Author #WriteTips #WritingCommunity #BloggingCommunity

The Art of Writing Heart-Wrenching Breakup Scenes

It's been a while, but I am thrilled to announce that the Pull Up A Chair With Mon writing series is back! I'm kicking off the series with a new look and plans for a ton of new posts in the coming months. I don't think I've mentioned this here, yet, I'm writing a How To book on writing romance. It's going well and I can't wait to tell you more in the next few weeks. Stay tuned!

This post is specifically aimed at romance writers, and I shall be using the pronoun “her” when referring to your readers, given that the majority of romance readers are female. 

So, let’s dive in.

Breakups can be tough, and writing them can be even tougher. But if you're looking to add real emotion to your writing, there’s no better place to start than with a good old-fashioned breakup scene. 

The key to crafting a truly heart-wrenching breakup scene, also known as the Black Moment, is to delve into your characters’ raw emotions and connect with your readers. You want your readers to feel the pain and heartbreak as if they were in the room with your characters. To achieve this, you must be willing to explore complex emotional situations and be vulnerable in your writing. Remember that it’s your character’s wound that leads to the Black Moment but it’s their fear that causes it. 

When we're going through a breakup, it's often insignificant memories that trigger emotions, such as the sound of our ex's laughter, their fragrance, or the way they used to say our name, the tender moments and all the shared fun times. By highlighting these memories, you can create a sense of intimacy between your characters and your readers. It's like you’re letting your readers in on a secret, and this can be incredibly powerful.

Have you ever noticed how movie breakup scenes often contain a lot of conflict? There's a reason these scenes are featured in movies and TV shows - they're inherently dramatic. But you don't want to rely solely on drama to carry your scene. Instead, focus on the underlying conflict between your characters. What are their true motivations? What are they really feeling? By exploring these deeper emotional layers, you can create a sense of tension that will keep your reader on the edge of her seat. 

Of course, dialogue is also incredibly important in a breakup scene. This is where your characters can really let loose and say what's on their minds – you know, the internal conflicts they’ve been fighting the entire book. Like, “I knew I could never trust you, you’re just like every other man who’s ever let me down.” Or, from the hero’s POV, “I need a woman who prioritises me over her career.” But again, you don't want to rely solely on melodramatic dialogue to get your point across. Maybe focus on the subtext - what your characters aren't saying is often just as important as what they are saying. By using dialogue to reveal your characters' innermost thoughts and feelings, you can create a sense of emotional depth.

To make your breakup scene more impactful, there are certain techniques you can employ. For instance, utilizing flashbacks can be effective in showcasing your characters’ journey toward the breakup. By revealing the history of their relationship, you can create a sense of nostalgia and regret that will really tug at your readers' heartstrings. However, it is important to exercise caution and not go overboard with flashbacks, as excessive use may cause confusion and disrupt the flow of the scene.

Another technique is to use sensory language to create a vivid sense of place. Where is your breakup scene taking place? What does the environment look like? What sounds and smells are present? By using sensory language, you can create a fully-realised setting that will immerse your readers in the moment.

And what about visceral reactions and sensations? How is your character feeling this breakup on a physical level? Maybe the character is feeling a deep, throbbing pain or tightness in the chest or stomach that’s overwhelming and all-consuming. 

It's important not to shy away from trying out different structures when writing breakup scenes. You can mix up the timeline, change the pacing, and even switch perspectives to make the scene more interesting and unpredictable. By breaking some traditional writing rules, you can generate a sense of excitement and suspense that will capture your readers' attention.

There you have it – the art of writing heart-wrenching breakup scenes. Remember, the key is to tap into your characters’ raw emotions. In doing so, you will also make your readers feel those emotions and your love story will stay with her long after she’s turned the last page. 

But remember, when writing a breakup scene, it’s important to consider certain factors. It isn’t necessary to make every breakup scene overly emotional and dramatic, as it should align with the tone and message of your story. Avoid forcing your characters into a breakup just for the sake of the scene.

Be careful not to rely too heavily on cliches. We've all seen the classic breakup scene where one character says "it's not you, it's me," or the other character dramatically slams the door on their way out. While these can be effective in small doses, overusing cliches can make your scene stale and unoriginal.

Finally, make sure your breakup scene serves a purpose within the larger context of your story. It needs to be a turning point for your characters and it should reveal something new about your hero’s and heroine’s motivations, wants, and needs. By tying your breakup scene into the larger themes of your romance story, you can ensure a lasting impact on your readers.

It is true, writing a heart-wrenching breakup scene can be a challenging, but rewarding, experience. My advice would be to recall your worst breakup and utilize your personal experience of heartbreak to fuel your imagination. Harness those intense emotions and go forth and write compelling breakup scenes that will leave your reader thirsty for more!

Emotional Stakes How Do You Raise Them? #WriteTip #Writing #Romance #EmotionalStakes

Emotional Stakes

Pull up a chair, everyone! It's been ages since I did a "Pull Up a Chair With Mon" post. I thought it might be fun to grab a few of my author friends and chat about emotional stakes in a way that would allow newbie writers to grasp the concept. I remember as a newbie writer--many many years ago!--thinking that story stakes and emotional stakes were the same thing. It was a long time before I discovered they were not. So, for any newbie writers seeking to understand stakes, I'm going to explain. Since I write romance, I'll be focusing on stakes in romance novels.

What are Stakes

Stakes create tension and give the reader an emotional interest in the outcome of your characters’ journey. If you want your reader to be invested in your story--even keep her on the edge of her seat turning pages long into the night--you must raise the emotional stakes. The big question must always be "what's at stake?" As I've mentioned, there are two types of stakes in the romance novel. Story stakes and emotional stakes. 

Story Stakes 

Are external conflicts/obstacles. Everything to do with the plot. It's the risks our characters take in their quest to achieve the external goal. You can up the story stakes by looking at what the character stands to lose or gain with relation to the external goal, then make the worse happen. 

Emotional Stakes

Emotional stakes come from the protagonists’ internal conflict. You raise the stakes by putting your character through emotional conflict. Give them a choice that places them between a rock and a hard place. Look to the character's fear for ideas on ramping up the emotional conflict. What is at stake for the character proves the lie they believe is true. For example, if your heroine's fear is love leads to abandonment, and her lie/limiting belief is that pregnancy always ends in being alone, put her in that position so her fear proves the lie. Of course, the truth will set her free. But first, we just need to torture her emotions a little. 

Remember that the lie/limiting belief produces the internal conflict and the fear produces the stakes. For instance, using the fear and lie example above, and knowing the emotional stakes comes from the fear, we can raise the emotional stakes by creating situations where the heroine causes problems for herself by maybe being too clingy, suspicious, untrusting. Maybe she checks the hero's phone messages or checks up on him, or any of the zillion crazy things someone who is afraid of being abandoned would do. For sure, she would hold on too tightly to the people she loves, which could make them feel smothered and, ultimately, bring about the one thing your heroine fears--abandonment. And worse of all, abandonment whilst pregnant! Give the hero emotional fears of his own that will collide with the heroine's fears. You can picture what an emotional mess these two characters will get themselves into. Of course, your hero doesn't knowingly abandon the pregnant heroine, but her fear caused the Black Moment where she loses everything. The emotional wound leads to the Black Moment but the fear causes it. So make sure the emotional wound is good and deep.

Stakes are the emotional conflicts in your story. They're what keeps your reader turning pages. In order to properly raise the emotional stakes in your novel, you need to first create well-developed characters. 

In the interest of clarity, let me briefly touch on this. The way I develop my main characters is fairly simple. I make sure both my hero and heroine have a name, an identity, a flaw, motto, lie/limiting belief, symptoms of the lie, emotional wound, emotional fear, want, need/truth, long and short-term ext GMC, and story question. Once we know these things, it's easy to raise the stakes.

How I Raise Emotional Stakes

Every author is different in how s/he crafts a story. The way I raise the emotional stakes in my stories is by making a list of questions based on the hero and heroine's emotional fears, flaws, lie, want, and wounds. These are predominately questions I think the reader will be asking as she reads the story. Then I intentionally create scenes that pose these questions in the reader's mind. I answer each question while posing another, making sure to keep it on an emotional level. This way, the reader will keep reading because she has to find out the answer to the last question I crafted. 

That's the way I create the roller coaster read. Let's hear from a few of my author friends to see how they do it.

Diana Rubino: author of BOOTLEG BROADWAY

www.dianarubino.com

At the height of Prohibition, gifted musician/composer Billy McGlory gets into one mess after another--and shocks us all at the end. 

"I make sure each choice/dilemma has more dire consequences than the one before, and involves the fate of at least one other major character."

Maureen Bonatch: author of NOT A CHANCE

www.maureenbonatch.com

Hope just wants to be normal—too bad that will never happen.


"Most of the characters in my stories have strong family connections. I often raise the emotional stakes by making my character face conflicting expectations from their family, love interest, and themselves. Often this can lead to emotional growth while making those difficult decisions and trying to be true to themselves."

Kathy L Wheeler: author of MAIL ORDER BRIDE: THE COUNTERFEIT (book 1) 

www.kathylwheeler.com

Amelia’s saloon madam mother has decided it’s time to bring her daughter into the family business—imagine her surprise, and relief, when she is mistaken for Will’s mail ordered bride.

"According to Donald Maas, go deep, deeper, and one more deep. The second and third deeps are where you are getting to the heart of the matter. For example, if you have a heroine who is angry. Why is she angry? Because anger hides other “deeper” feelings. What feelings? Pain, hurt, desire even. The answer to the why depends on the situation of the character’s situation."

Pamela S. Thibodeaux: author of LOVE IN SEASON

Any time is the right time for love. In this collection, Pamela S Thibodeaux brings together 8 romantic stories that revolve around the 4 seasons as well as 4 holidays that focus on love and relationships. *Contains two brand new, never before published stories! 

www.pamelathibodeaux.com

"There’s a saying most every author knows. 'No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader.' 

This goes for laughter, terror, passion.

Raising the emotional stakes for your readers means you, as an author, must go a level deeper. It’s not enough to tell or even to some degree, show, your characters' emotions. You’ve got to get inside their heads and hearts and feel their feelings. Then transfer that to the page in a way that will make your reader sit on the edge of their seat in suspense or swoon with longing. Think deep POV.

Everyone feels the same basic emotions. Asking your characters the following questions can help you connect with them and your readers on that same deep level. 

Why does he/she feel that way?
What has happened to make them react the way they do?
When did this happen?
Where?
Who was involved?

More questions are: 
How do you want to feel, act, respond?
What would it take for you to evolve so that you can respond as you desire instead of with the same knee-jerk reactions?

Most of us don’t want to ask our characters these questions because, on some level, what he or she is going through we’ve either experienced or are afraid to experience. Many of us don’t want to feel our own emotions much less have some made up human being ripping us apart with theirs.

Alas, to grip your reader by the heart and not let go, we must look a level deeper, feel a level deeper. Even if it means facing our own fears and perhaps overcoming our own shortcomings."

Linda Carroll-Bradd: author of DULCINA (book 5 in The Widows of Wildcat Ridge series)

http://blog.lindacarroll-bradd.com/

Will bringing an old friend to town provide the help Dulcina needs or a new kind of trouble?

"I often give the characters a previous history. Maybe one had a crush on the other when they were both youth but never acted on it. Or the pair courted (I write mostly historical stories) and planned a future then the relationship abruptly ended (lots of reasons here--parental disapproval, one family’s financial circumstances changes, war, relocation, death in family). When they meet again years later, they have to overcome whatever the past problem was plus whatever’s happening in the present. But they also have the fond memories of the times they spent together."

Even Romance Heroes Can Be Gaslit! #Amwriting #WIP #Romance #Gaslighting

One of the stories I'm currently working on has a subplot about gaslighting. This is a subject I've been interested in for a long time. It fascinates me that one person can mess with someone else's head so much that they end up thinking they're nuts. 

Hold up... I'm assuming everyone who reads this knows what gaslighting is--and you know what is said about people who assume! So, in the interest of not making a donkey of you or me, let me explain. Gaslighting is a form of psychological or emotional manipulation. In more extreme cases it would fall into the category of psychological or emotional abuse intended to convince the victim that they're going crazy. 

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they flat-out deny that what you heard them say is what they said? Have they made you so frustrated that you throw your hands up and say: "you're driving me crazy?" If so, then you've experienced the sort of strategy gaslighters use. 

It wasn't until many years after the fact that I realised, as a young teen, I'd been a victim of gaslighting. The perpetrators weren't my mum, dad, sisters or brothers, but they were people who I--and my parents--trusted. I'd say something relatively intelligent, then at a later date the conversation would come up again and I'd say something along the lines of: "I said...". And one of the people would say: "you didn't say that! I did!" Other instances went something like this:  "that wasn't your idea, it was mine". Or "I made this cake. You made that one." Of course, this person claimed the cake I made as theirs because it came out better. 

Or this person/people would say something, then deny they said it and proceed to tell me I was making things up. Another would ensure everyone thought I was a little unhinged and would tell my parents not to listen to me (when I tried to alert my parents to what was going on) because I was a liar. I knew the things that happened to me during that time was emotional abuse, but it was only years later that I realised it had been gaslighting. More than once I was convinced I was crazy. So much so that I attempted the unthinkable... I have my little sister to thank for me being here today. But that isn't what we're talking about. I simply wanted to touch on how serious gaslighting can be. 

Some people are very adept at messing with another person's head. The brother of my hero in my current WIP is very subtle in his gaslighting abilities. My hero doesn't even know that his brother is gaslighting him until the end of the book. Romance heroes are supposed to be alpha male and utterly capable, but what happens when the hero is riddled with guilt because of something he did years ago that caused his brother's bride to leave him at the altar? I think it would be easy for an alpha hero to overlook the subtleties of gaslighting when he's consumed with a mountain of guilt. And this is what happens to my hero. I'm enjoying writing this story and hope it wouldn't be too long before I'll be able to share exciting news about this book.

Have you ever been gaslit? Know someone who has? I'd like to hear about your experience.     

Literary Elements~Theme

Let's talk about theme. I remember when I first started writing (many years ago now) one of the first things I came across was theme. I just couldn't get my head around the subject, so I stopped trying to consciously figure out the theme for each story I wrote. I relied on the theme to emerge on its own.

Now I know far more about theme and the role it plays within my stories, I take it for granted. However, I think some of you will benefit from a quick breakdown of the subject if you so happen to be seeking this information.

Theme is the underlying meaning of the story you are telling. What your book is really about, if you like. I know some people take this to mean plots like: Secret Baby, Marriage of Convenience, Pretend Marriage, Best Friends to Lovers, Cinderella story, Second Chance Love etc.

These are not the theme of your story. They are plots/topics/genre themes. But they are not your story's theme.

Since the theme of your story is the hidden message—an opinion or statement about the plot/topic/genre theme you’re tackling—then we look for the basic emotional conflict of your story. Many writers will stick to the same message or concept without even knowing it. Do you find all your stories have something to do with the hero and/or heroine learning how to trust? Perhaps even learning responsibility? Acceptance? Or freedom? Unresolved grief? Fear of rejection?

Whatever your theme, I believe it's linked to your character's internal motivation and even your character's arc. What does your hero/heroine learn through the course of the story?

For instance, you can have a Pretend Marriage genre theme and the theme of your story can be ACCEPTANCE.

Perhaps the hero is looking to land a major contract for his company and he needs the decision-makers of the company he wishes to do business with to ACCEPT him in a certain light—that of a stable and loving married man.

While the heroine agrees to the idea of a pretend marriage with the hero because she is looking to make her matchmaking friends ACCEPT she’s off the market so they can stop trying to set her up with guys.

And in the course of the story your hero and heroine would have learned acceptance of a different kind, which finally leads to acceptance of each other and everlasting love.

Do you see how that worked? So genre theme is not the same as the theme of your story. You can relay this theme to your readers in several ways: through your character's actions and the story events; through their thoughts and feelings and also through dialogue and conversations. (I mention both dialogue and conversation because the two are not the same. Keep a look out for a future post on this subject).

Another example is, suppose you have a theme about death. Your characters will mention death in some form or other. Death will show up in other forms through the story: ie your heroine/hero is incapable of keeping plants alive. Perhaps the story might be set in winter when all the trees are bare and look a little dead. All these sorts of things help to convey theme.

Sometimes you can use more than one theme. When we use a couple of themes, we then have a major and a minor theme for our book.

I used two themes in Divorce Etiquette, a reunion/second chance story. My minor theme was fear of rejection and the major theme was unresolved grief. This meant death invariably came up through the course of the story—death of relationships as well as people. To show life and new beginnings in Divorce Etiquette I set the climax in spring and used the new green leaves on trees to symbolise life and new beginnings. No doubt this is lost to the reader on a conscious level but she'll feel the story has an added depth she enjoys. Or at least I hope so! ;)

Theme can really add depth to your story, so if you don't usually bother with finding your story's theme, please reconsider because it also gives your writing focus and saves you wandering off in all sorts of directions until you trip up, and fall into a plot hole :).

Thanks for dropping by to hang with me and garner my take on the literary theme.

Until next time~