Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and they flat-out deny that what you heard them say is what they said? Have they made you so frustrated that you throw your hands up and say: "you're driving me crazy?" If so, then you've experienced the sort of strategy gaslighters use.
It wasn't until many years after the fact that I realised, as a young teen, I'd been a victim of gaslighting. The perpetrators weren't my mum, dad, sisters or brothers, but they were people who I--and my parents--trusted. I'd say something relatively intelligent, then at a later date the conversation would come up again and I'd say something along the lines of: "I said...". And one of the people would say: "you didn't say that! I did!" Other instances went something like this: "that wasn't your idea, it was mine". Or "I made this cake. You made that one." Of course, this person claimed the cake I made as theirs because it came out better.
Or this person/people would say something, then deny they said it and proceed to tell me I was making things up. Another would ensure everyone thought I was a little unhinged and would tell my parents not to listen to me (when I tried to alert my parents to what was going on) because I was a liar. I knew the things that happened to me during that time was emotional abuse, but it was only years later that I realised it had been gaslighting. More than once I was convinced I was crazy. So much so that I attempted the unthinkable... I have my little sister to thank for me being here today. But that isn't what we're talking about. I simply wanted to touch on how serious gaslighting can be.
Some people are very adept at messing with another person's head. The brother of my hero in my current WIP is very subtle in his gaslighting abilities. My hero doesn't even know that his brother is gaslighting him until the end of the book. Romance heroes are supposed to be alpha male and utterly capable, but what happens when the hero is riddled with guilt because of something he did years ago that caused his brother's bride to leave him at the altar? I think it would be easy for an alpha hero to overlook the subtleties of gaslighting when he's consumed with a mountain of guilt. And this is what happens to my hero. I'm enjoying writing this story and hope it wouldn't be too long before I'll be able to share exciting news about this book.
Have you ever been gaslit? Know someone who has? I'd like to hear about your experience.
