Tuesday, April 2, 2019

So...What Ever Happened to That Proposal? #writinglife #amwriting

Hello...it's your friendly sporadic blogger. I do admire my fellow authors who always seem to have something wonderful to say. Sadly, my chronic introvertism (yes, I know I keep making up words!) keeps me imprisoned, and I never know what to talk about, sure that none of you wish to hear what I have to say anyway!

All that aside, I thought I better blog about something before I wake up one day and find that the blog has shriveled up and died a painful death. 

Speaking of painful...my subject today is a little painful for me to speak about. Last year, a few times on social media, I mentioned a proposal I had with HQ Desire. I was very excited about that story and waited a long time for a decision. Sadly, while the editor liked the story, HQ wanted changes that I felt I couldn't, in all honesty, pull off. Perhaps I was way too close to the story, but in the end, I withdrew the proposal. Thankfully, the editor was sweet and understanding and asked me to send any other ideas I had. Well, I did, and now I've begun work on a new story to submit.

The thing that shocked me most was that I used to be able to easily write 3K words per day, and still do everything I needed to do as a wife and mother, but after my experience last year, I now find myself holding back so much that it has taken me a full week to write the Prologue. A totally shocking experience for me. I'm not sure if it's fear that this new story will take another year in the system before it's finally rejected or I withdraw it. Or have I simply lost my confidence as a writer? Whatever the reason, I know deep down I'm worried that I'm wasting my time because, in the end, this new book may come to nothing. 

I can't tell you how many times I've decided that perhaps it's time to walk away from targeting HQ. I'll usually take a few months off, then something would always draw me back--often the quiet conviction that maybe...just maybe...this time I will do it. I'll finally hit the right story and nab that coveted contract.

I have no idea if this new story is going to be The One, but I'm hoping it is. 

Am I alone in this weird obsession?