All that aside, I thought I better blog about something before I wake up one day and find that the blog has shriveled up and died a painful death.
Speaking of painful...my subject today is a little painful for me to speak about. Last year, a few times on social media, I mentioned a proposal I had with HQ Desire. I was very excited about that story and waited a long time for a decision. Sadly, while the editor liked the story, HQ wanted changes that I felt I couldn't, in all honesty, pull off. Perhaps I was way too close to the story, but in the end, I withdrew the proposal. Thankfully, the editor was sweet and understanding and asked me to send any other ideas I had. Well, I did, and now I've begun work on a new story to submit.
The thing that shocked me most was that I used to be able to easily write 3K words per day, and still do everything I needed to do as a wife and mother, but after my experience last year, I now find myself holding back so much that it has taken me a full week to write the Prologue. A totally shocking experience for me. I'm not sure if it's fear that this new story will take another year in the system before it's finally rejected or I withdraw it. Or have I simply lost my confidence as a writer? Whatever the reason, I know deep down I'm worried that I'm wasting my time because, in the end, this new book may come to nothing.
I can't tell you how many times I've decided that perhaps it's time to walk away from targeting HQ. I'll usually take a few months off, then something would always draw me back--often the quiet conviction that maybe...just maybe...this time I will do it. I'll finally hit the right story and nab that coveted contract.
I have no idea if this new story is going to be The One, but I'm hoping it is.
Am I alone in this weird obsession?
I don't think that's weird. You have to be comfortable with the deal. You know your story and what it means to you. Hang in there. You'll find a home for your project(s).
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for dropping by, Diane! I'm really hoping HQ takes the next book. I'm very close to giving up targeting HQ M&B once and for all, and I would hate to do that because I know I will always wonder what would've happened if I'd just tried "one last time"...
Delete