That said, as romance authors, we are continually looking for ways to convey our characters' journey to falling in love. It is such a quest that brought me upon a book entitled The 5 Love Languages® by Dr. Gary Chapman, a practical guide on powerful ways for couples to express love. This book has inspired me to use these “languages” to communicate my hero and heroine’s ever-after, eternal love. Here is a brief description of the five key categories or five love languages to help you build your Hero/heroine’s romantic relationships. And boy am I juiced that saying “I love you” is #1!:
#1. Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
#2 Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
#3 Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
#4 Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
#5 Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
According to Dr. Chapman, everyone has a primary way of expressing and interpreting love—their own “love language”. He says, too, that people are often drawn to others who speak a different love language to them.
I’m curious to find out which love language I am, how about you? I thought you might be!
Okay, go ahead, learn your love language. Take the fun quiz below.
With thanks to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Monique, your blog is gorgeous and so romantic. I agree with your post. A lover can say I love you in so many ways, and I love ALL of them.
ReplyDeletewww.monarisk.com
Lovely! I, too, would miss those words at the end of a romance novel.
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer in "actions speak louder than words," but hearing the words along with those actions are priceless
Me and my D/H took this test a few years ago. It was very enlightening. You'd of thought after twenty-four years of marriage you'd know each other. Wrong!
ReplyDeleteThe same author also has a book on the love language for children. Both were a great read. I personally speak two languages--I'll bet you know what they are! LOL
XX,
Neecy
Monique,
ReplyDeleteYour blog is beautiful. I enjoyed your post as well. What a help this book has been to me. Especially in relating to our teenagers!
If anyone hasn't read it-- it's a great reference!
Lovely website, Monique, and great post. My daughter's friend said she knew her guy was really in love with her when she waked up on Saturday to an odd noise. It was him raking her leaves in the backyard. The evening before on their date, she'd complained that she needed to rake leaves that weekend and hated it. It's the old addage, "Actions speak louder than words." Of course, we want the words, too.
ReplyDeleteHi Monique:
ReplyDeleteI never thought of using this when writing romances, but it makes sense! My love language according to the quiz is Quality Time, and I have to admit that when I first read them over, I thought that's what it would be. With that said, though, with children now, Acts of Service is climbing up there fast. =) Thanks for the great post!
Hi, Mona,
ReplyDeleteYou're so right. There's nothing like love in any form!
Thanks for dropping by.
Maggie! How lovely to see you here. And you're soooo true! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, Neecy. Twenty-four years! That's just wonderful. It warms my heart to find marriages that can stand to test of time. LoL, you're so complex, I can't guess you love languages. Although I think they could be Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. :D
ReplyDeleteHi, Joann,
ReplyDeleteEvery time I think I should change the look of my blog, someone comes along and tells me it's beautiful and I remember how I felt the first time I saw it! Thanks for saving me a bit of work LoL.
I plan to check out Dr. Chapman's other books. Thanks for the recommendation. :)
Caroline, that is such a sweet, romantic story! It so warms the heart. I hope they got a HEA?
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by. :)
Hiya, Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI love people who have the love language of Words of Affirmation cos they always seem to know exactly what to say to lift another person's mood. I think WoA people tend to be encouragers. The world could use more people like you. :)
Well, my love languages are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I have to admit to being a the kind of person who cuddle strangers cos they look like they could use a cuddle. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, Monique, you've hit the nail on the head with me!! LOL See, you're good.
ReplyDeleteAnd,I'd love nothing more but to be able to get a hug from my dear friend, you!
XX,
Neecy
I'm going to look for this book. Great post!
ReplyDeleteLiz Arnold
Message to Love
The Wild Rose Press
Monique,
ReplyDeleteThat's a wonderful post to think about. In fact, in all my stories "I love you" is said somewhere, but love is shown as well.
What a really interesting post and such a fun quiz. I'm so glad I stopped by!
ReplyDeleteHi Monique - an interesting post. I came out with 'Physical Touch' being my language of love. I do believe touch is very important, not only between loving couples, but for all. I feel sad for people who do not experience a loving or friendly hug, a pat, kiss on the cheek or hand on the shoulder as part of their daily experience. I think pets can also provide this loving connection.
ReplyDeleteHi, Liz,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by. Hope you find the book as interesting as I have. :)
LoL, Neecy! Here is a big Cyberhug for you! {{{{hug}}}} :D
ReplyDeleteIlona, I'll be keeping an eye out for your books! ;)
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed the quiz, Elizabeth. You are welcome to drop by anytime ;D
ReplyDeleteLeigh, I know what you mean. But there are some people who just don't like to be touched. However, I believe there's nothing like a hug to make you feel loved. My kids and grandkids are hugged beyond belief. And, of course, pets are great...especially cuddly rabbits! :D
ReplyDelete