Tuesday, October 30, 2012


How fast the weeks go by!

Last week I started a new free online story. This week I'm continuing with the next scene. This is a romantic comedy suspense/mystery that started as an example, then turned into a blog series. I have no idea how long the story will be. I just know I'll keep going for as long as it takes to tell it.

I've removed the Captcha from my blog comments, so it's a lot easier to leave comments now. Please leave a comment, I'm looking forward to spending time with you guys over a quick coffee break read! If you didn't read last week's entry, you can find it HERE.

(C)Monique DeVere 2012

Lord, she was going to die! This oaf knew exactly how to hold her so that he managed to squeeze every molecule of breath from her lungs and prevented any more from re-entering. Even if he hadn’t muzzled her, she wouldn’t have been able to scream anyway.
Spots exploded in her eyes and her head went woozy. This was it — end of her life — end of her hopes, dreams and plans... 
What was she doing giving up like some kind of coward? Hadn’t she had enough of being scared?
Yes, she had.
She just plain had had enough of it all, and she had enough of men like Brutus here. Abusive men who took what they wanted and didn’t care what damage they left behind. She kicked her three-inch heels against his meaty shins as if she was peddling a bike, and she wanted to win the Tour de France.
He swore and shook her. “Stop it, bitch.”
But she wasn’t done with him yet, she reached her hands behind her head and clawed at his face. “Let me go!” That’s what she meant, even if it sounded like muum um muum!
He swore some more as he slammed her against the asphalt with enough force to break bones. Jess didn’t feel anything beyond the satisfaction of knowing she fought back, and if he killed her in this foggy car park on this cold January night, at least she’d collected his DNA under her fingernails. 
He leaned over her and she saw two of him. Man, she must’ve banged her head really hard.
“So you’re a little hell cat, are you? Good thing for you I like hell cats.” His heavy body landed on top of her. “They taste the best.” His breath and fine particles of spittle splattered her face.
His mouth mashed hers, crushing her lips against her clenched teeth. She tasted blood, kicked and scratched at him. She wanted to scream, but daren’t open her mouth in case he decided to stick his disgusting tongue inside. She didn’t think she’d be able to hang onto that chocolate bar she’d eaten half hour ago if he did. Her stomach heaved in protest to his foul breath. He stunk of unwashed male mixed with a pungent chemical scent. A scent that was vaguely familiar yet she couldn’t place.  
Refusing to surrender, she fought him, tried to get her knee high enough between his legs so she could knee him in the groin, but he had her flattened beneath his weight.
“I said quit it!” One large hand closed around her throat, his thumb pressed into her windpipe as he bared his teeth in a sneer. He shook her by her neck. “You can be living or dead...” His other hand pushed roughly between their bodies, his hard knuckled dug into her belly as he worked to unfasten his belt. “It makes no difference to me.”
Her heart pounded. Her eyes stung as though they were about to pop out of her head from the pressure threatening to explode her skull. Her whole body shook uncontrollably. 
Oh, God, he was going to rape and murder her right in the middle of a parking lot and she could do nothing to stop him. Jess clawed at the hand squeezing her throat. 
Tears fuzzed her vision—or was that lack of oxygen? She opened her mouth to scream, but her brain was a bit slow on the uptake and refused to obey. She needed air. She needed to get this man off her. 
She tried to push him away but her arms behaved like cooked spaghetti, her ears rang, and the fuzz to her sight morphed into a blackness that slowly closed in on her.
Lord, don’t let this man kill me, and if he does, let him do it quick!
His mouth crushed down on hers again—cold, wet, and nasty. She strained to turn her face away but he wrenched her back, his slimy tongue licking over her mouth. Jess only vaguely noticed.
Her hands lost strength and fell limply to her sides. Nothing mattered anymore. She was going to die alone, cold and by the hands of a man so disgusting he made her throw up in her mouth.
People say that at the point of death you see your life flashed before you, but that wasn’t what Jess saw. She saw a face. An angel in a Mac, and he was almost too handsome to gaze upon. She tried to reach out to him, to speak to him, thank him for coming to rescue her, but the words wouldn’t come and it was an effort to raise her arm.
Her body went floppy, her world contracted to a pinprick of light. She lost focus and let her eyes close as blackness claimed her.

To Be Continued...

Is this really an angel Jess sees? Is she hallucinating from lack of oxygen? Or is this a real man? You'll have to wait until next week to find out. Meanwhile, I'd love to hear what you think about angels. Do you think they exist? Have you ever seen an angel? How did s/he appear to you?

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts with us.

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  1. That was some scene! Wow! I'm practically trembling, weak from the awesome description of resisiting that Brute. I've got the feeling the very best kind of angel is going to rescue her. Yay!
    My personal experience was at my father's furneral as I hurried back to his side for one final glance. He actually smiled up at me. I figured I was just imagining this because of my grief and so I didn't say a word to anyone. But days later I was sad and my little girl came up beside me and told me not to cry, that she'd seen grandpa smile at me. I cried knowing God had given me a special gift, certain now that my father no longer suffered and was happy in Heaven.

    Looking forward to the next installment and great job!

  2. Hi Monique! You caught my attention with this post. I adore angels. That was quite a scene. I'm with Teresa. My heart was in my throat. Good on her that she went out fighting! I think, though, that it was likely her hero come to rescue her. ;)

    I have had some personal experiences with angels. I suffer from PTSD, due to a nasty childhood, and there were a couple of years where it got bad. My life back then was surviving the flashbacks and triggers, which for me, are in every part of my house. Every night as I went to sleep, someone would lay a hand on my shoulder (I sleep on my side, back facing the side of the bed). I'd be lying there in the dark, too terrified to go to sleep (I'm not too proud to admit that I was afraid of the dark back then), and someone would touch me. I felt an actual hand, very large and very warm. And in the blink of an eye I wasn't afraid anymore and I was drifting off to sleep. If ever I woke up from a nightmare (which happened often back then, and caused quite a lot of anxiety), the same thing would happen. Someone would touch me and I'd be instantly peaceful and going back to sleep. I'm very grateful to my invisible friends. They got me through some rough times.

    Terrific scene, Monique. I too look forward to the next installment! I want to see who her angel turns out to be!

  3. That's an amazing story, Tere, and so heart-warming.

    I've seen an angel!

    One morning, just after my morning devotional, I was mentally chatting with Yeshua and wondered how come so many people saw angels yet I never have. I kinda said, "boy it must be awesome to see an angel, wonder what they look like".

    Sometime last year I discovered Katie Souza and heard about how she met her angels. Of course this made me very curious, yet cautious since we know that fallen angels can appear as angels of light to fool us.

    Anyway, I'm sort of daydreaming about angels and my #2 son walks past my bedroom on his way to the family bathroom for his shower. You'd never believe what I saw follow him! His angel!! And he looked noting like my imagination of what our angels must look like.

    How cool is that?

  4. Hi, Jo!

    How wonder an experience. I once read a recount about angel visitations and in one, a couple of very small kids had been left home alone while the mum went on holiday (don't get me started on this subject!). Anyway an angel appeared to the little girl and told her he'd been resting on their wall cos he was in battle and he heard her crying. He told her to get one of the pots her mum kept under the sink and bang it against the wall until someone came. That's how she and her baby brother were able to get rescued and given food! When I read that recount, I cried buckets!

  5. Great story going...yes, I believe in angels. I believe God gives each of us a guardian angel that is with us at all times.

  6. Thanks for making my day a bit better. ;)

    Yes, I believe in angels. I'm blessed with a wonderful protective guardian angel who helps me quite frequently. (Actually she works overtime. *grin*)

    Thanks for the story. Bless you.

    ~ Aithne

  7. Hi, Judy!

    I believe that too. The Bible tells us that God gives our angels charge over us, which means we have more than one angel looking after us at any given time in our lives. That's a very comforting thought!

  8. When my father-in-law passed over I dreamed all night of angels singing welcoming him to heaven. In the dream I saw his coffin rise. Surrounding it were hundreds of angels. Their song was like nothing I can describe but it was beautiful. I'd wake up from the dream and then fall asleep and I'd go right back into the scene. After this, I believe we are welcomed.
    Cathleen Ross

  9. Awww, Aithne, so happy to hear I made your day a bit better. You've warmed my heart and put a smile on my face.

    Sounds like you keep your angel busy! :)

  10. That's very touching, Cathleen. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. What a lovely image it is, too!

  11. Gosh, what an intense scene, Monique! I read it on the edge of my seat. I think it's the hero but then I also believe angels come in all shapes and sizes and most times they're actually human. I always think of someone who comes to my rescue, whether with a strong hand or soft smile is an angel :)

    Looking forward to more!!

  12. Thanks, Lisa! :)

    Love the feedback, April! When you create a scene it's so very hard to know if you succeed in your aim, so I'm estactic to hear I did! But you'll just have to wait until next week to discover what Jess really saw...

    You are right in the way you think of angels. Hebrews 13:2 (NKJV) tells us, Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

  13. Sorry, I'm too old to read violence anymore. My guardian angel kisses my right cheek bone, if I've been especially good. Hasn't happened lately.

    Rohn Federbush

  14. Very powerful scene. Convincingly scary. Yes, I believe in angels but have never seen one. My mom saw an angel sitting in the corner of her bedroom a couple of days before she died. Hospice said it's very common. I think it was her guardian angel telling her it was time to come home.

  15. Rohn, thanks for stopping by. I don't think you're too old, just too sensitive to read violence. Writing it is one thing, reading another--I understand where you're coming from.

  16. Diane,

    Thanks for the visit and the fab feedback! I've also heard it's extremely common for people just about to cross over to see angels, Yeshua and even Heaven!


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