Six Sentence Sunday 18/11/12 ~ More Than a Playboy #1

This Sunday's six comes from another of my romantic comedies (a sweet one this time). More Than a Playboy is Sandy & Cameron's Cinderella story, published by The Wild Rose Press.

 She has a shield...he has one too...and they’re both hiding secrets

Serious-minded Sandy Donovan has one unbreakable rule—never fall for a rich playboy. Falling for a playboy destroyed her mother and ruined Sandy’s childhood. She’s determined never to let the same thing happen to her. Unfortunately, the only man to make her hormones sit up and take notice is a playboy who doesn’t know the first thing about taking life seriously.
 

 A lonely, miserable childhood taught Cameron Berkeley-Scott to hide his feelings in humour, but his comic nature is pushing away the one woman he wants to draw near. She thinks he’s a playboy—a title he has no desire to have—and ignores his outrageous flirting.

Now it’s time for Cameron to show Sandy he isn’t the irresponsible pleasure-seeker she thinks—but will she run when she finds out who he really is?

SUNDAY SIX:

She held his hungry gaze and swallowed hard. The truth was she liked being in Cameron’s arms, enjoyed the sensation of his hard shoulder muscles moving beneath her hand as he guided her around the dance floor. 

 

Sandy hated to admit how much she loved his intoxicating scent, and the rumble of his laughter vibrating from his chest to hers almost made her forget he was the last man with whom she should get involved. 

 

He held her so close she was fully aware of every inch of his body pressed to hers. Aware too, that she affected him on a sensual level as much as he did her. She wanted him to kiss her, and if he weren’t Cameron Berkeley-Scott, rich playboy, she’d be jumping his bones right now.

Copyright (C) Monique DeVere 2010

 

Siren Book Reviews says: More Than A Playboy is a wonderful and well written story. Monique DeVere’s character development and story premise are fantastic. This is a truly enjoyable story. Bits and pieces of each character are revealed slowly adding depth to a very emotionally moving book.

As the reader, you just can’t help but fall in love with Sandy and Cameron, and feel for both their plights in life. They are quite a comical couple, and I thoroughly enjoyed their witty repartee. Their encounters had me laughing out loud and crying.

More Than A Playboy has surprising plot twists and turns that will keep you engaged and unable to put it down. I highly recommend this romance story for anyone that likes a hopeful and happily ever after ending. (Stacey Krug--Siren Book Reviews)

Thanks for stopping by to read my Six. Should this have whet your appetite for more, you can purchase More Than a Playboy from:

 

TWRP *~* AMAZON *~* AMAZON_UK *~* BARNES & NOBLE 

 

Please also check out this week's other participating authors on the official Six Sentence Sunday site HERE.

 

 

Six Sentence Sunday ~ 11/11/12 ~ More Than Friends #4

This week's six sentences is from my new rom-com, MORE THAN FRIENDS. Hope you enjoy the snippet! :)

“Justin, we can’t,” she said again. Her words said one thing, her action another. She continued to drive him crazy with her caressing hands and the way she rose on tiptoe and danced her hips against his arousal.

“Then make me stop, Lily, because I don’t think I know how to stop kissing you now I’ve started.”

She moaned and tugged at his shirt until he heard the telltale pop of stitching giving.

He slid his hands into her honey hair, framing her face with his palms. 

 Buy For $1.99 at SMASHWORDS

Be sure to check out this week's other participating authors on the official Six Sentence Sunday site HERE.

Dialogue vs. Conversation

Dialogue vs. Conversation

Do you know the difference?

 

Have you ever had a critique partner tell you that the communication between your characters is conversation? 

 

Nobody wants to read conversation. Conversation between the pages of a book is boring. Conversation is what happens in real life and while it works perfectly well there, it doesn’t when translated to story form.

 

According to Thesaurus.com, this is the difference between dialogue and conversation

 

Synonyms for Dialogue

Talk, chat, colloquy, communication, confab, confabulation, conference, conversation, converse, dialog, discourse, discussion, duologue, exchange, flap, interlocution, lines, parlance, parley, powwow, rap, rap session, remarks, repartee, script, sides, small talk.

 

Synonyms for Conversation

Dialogue, discourse, chat, colloquy, comment, communication, communion, confab, confabulation, conference, consultation, converse, debate, discussion, exchange, expression, gab, gossip, hearing, intercourse, jive, observation, palaver, parley, pillow talk, powwow, questioning, remark, repartee, speech, talk, talkfest, tète-à-tète, ventilation, visit, yak.

 

On the surface, not a lot of difference. So why am I saying there is? Because we are speaking in terms of creative writing and when we create a story, we want it to SOUND like real life, but if we imitate the way people speak for real, we’ll end up with dialogue which is hard to read.

 

Listen to people having a conversation. I’m sure you’ll notice how they barge into each other’s points, cut across, leave thoughts half said and ramble all over the place. And don’t forget all the what’s its, thingies, and thingamajigs we use to substitute for things we forget the name of.

 

Don’t get me wrong, using a smattering of this can add depth to a novel, but too much will kill it.

 

So we’re talking about dialogue vs. conversation. Although the synonyms for both  are pretty much the same. The difference is this: Dialogue does a job. It must provide the reader with information that advances the plot, foreshadow a coming event, add subtext, and show characterization, which makes the reader believe these people could be living right next door to her. It should be crisp and unique to each character.  

 

This is a scene between one of my heroines and a housekeeper, taken from Ty’s Plaything, a full-length romantic comedy/suspense I’m currently working on. 

 

Mia kept her attention on her bowl of fruit. She speared a cube of melon. “What did you say?”

 

“I told him I don’t know. It ain’t none of my business. Mr Manning pays me to look after his house and his guests—nothin’ else.”

 

I think you can notice a difference between these two characters, even with so few words spoken.

 

Conversation is idle chitchat—padding—and if it doesn’t do a job ie make a point, it needs to be removed. For instance, having two of your characters in a coffee shop chatting about the purple-haired woman three tables away is idle, gossipy chat if your only goal is to have your characters yak about something for a bit before you get into why they’re really meeting at the coffee shop. However, if the purple-haired woman is concealing a gun, that’s a completely different deal. Now we have a purpose—besides her shocking hair!—for the characters to notice the woman. I imagine the conversation would switch from why would anyone want to be seen in public looking like that, to why would she be carrying a gun?

 

Just like how you wouldn’t let your character chat about the weather for no reason at all, don’t let them chat about anything for no reason!

 

Do you see what I mean? Make your dialogue worth reading. Be firm with it, give it a job and make it deliver.

 

Dialogue should sound natural. The reader shouldn’t notice you giving information a mile off. Obvious dialogue for the purpose of imparting information is distracting. 

 

Example: “Hey, Rita, remember that time you broke your leg and had to spend all those weeks walking around on crutches?”

 

“Yeah, I remember. It still plays up when the weather changes.”

 

Can you say yaaaawwnnnnnnn? This is idle conversation and obvious information. DON’T DO THIS!

 

If we were writing a disaster weather story, this info would be important—a way of foreshadowing—but even so we'd need to deliver it with a touch more skill.

 

You want your reader to sink into your book and lose herself between its pages, so write dialogue that sounds like conversation, but isn’t idle chitchat.

 

Like scenes, let your characters’ dialogue do double duty.

 

To summarize: dialogue serves a purpose while conversation is idle chitchat, and dialogue without a purpose is conversation.

 

Hope this clarifies the difference. See you at the next Pull Up A Chair With Mon post. Until then, happy writing!

 

 

FREE ONLINE STORY~WEEK 3

Hi, guys!

It's that time of the week again. Tuesday is FREE STORY day. This is a story I began a couple weeks ago, and plan to write the whole story right here for you to read on a weekly basis. It's a romantic comedy/mystery/suspense and it's something new for me. I hope you'll keep popping back each week to follow the story. It isn't planned, I'm flying into the wind with this story line, so I might call on my readers for ideas.

If you haven't read last week's installation, you can find it here: WEEK 2. And WEEK 1.

CONTINUATION

 (C)Monique DeVere 2012

 
Jess rose to consciousness at a sluggish pace.

Someone had taken a jackhammer to her head, and they weren’t planning to let up anytime soon.

She came slowly awake to sounds. An electronic beep steadily bleeped somewhere to her left, wheels rolled over hard surface, metal clinked against metal, and voices murmured from a distance.

Hospital smells filled her nostrils—disinfectant, sterilizing alcohol, medicines, chemicals—urging her to open her eyes despite the drilling inside her head.

Jess knew hospital scents when she smelled them. For four months, she’d sat for hours—day after day—while she watched helplessly as her fiancé struggled for his life. At the memory of the stupid fight outside of a nightclub that had resulted in Shane’s death, her throat closed with grief.

Wait a minute, now she thought about it, her throat had felt sore and blocked since she woke, and something big and heavy was sitting on her chest.

And, boy, her head hurt like nobody’s business. Jess touched her head. Something padded met her fingers. 

Somebody had bandaged her head.

She forced her eyes open. Light from a nearby window scorched her corneas and she squeezed them shut again, a groan of protest scraping her sore throat. 

“Miss Hart? Can you hear me?” The voice was male—deep, and full-bodied like rich wine—and it rattled her brain. 

Jess blinked her eyes into semi-focus. She opened her mouth to confirm her name, but no sound came out. Her mouth was drier than her mother’s homemade water crackers.

She blinked a few more times as she touched her throat, hoping the shadowy figure standing beside her bed would get the message and find her a drink of water.

Instead, he dashed from the room. 

“Nurse?” His deep voice boomed along the corridor and vibrated in Jess’s skull, making her wince.

She squeezed her eyes shut again and prayed that the jackhammer would lose power and cut out.

Within moments, two pairs of footsteps re-entered the room. “Hello, Jessica.” Cool fingers touched Jess’s arm inches below where her IV drip was attached. “Jessica?”

“Water...” The voice didn’t sound like hers—not even first thing in the morning after a full night’s sleep. It was hoarse—laryngitis hoarse.

“I’m Rae, and I’m looking after you.”  Liquid poured into a glass, then the nurse took a gadget from next to the bed and pressed it. The head of Jess’s bed rose smoothly until she was sitting at a forty-five degree angle. “Here you are,” Rae said, bringing a straw to Jess’s lips. 

She took a sip. Cool water slid down her throat like shards of glass. She grimaced, pushed the straw away.

Rae settled her back against the pillows. “How do you feel?”

“Like... my head... is... going to... explode.” Her voice came out on a whispered husk.

“Do you remember what happened?” a voice, authoritative—masculine—and deep enough to send tiny thrills through Jess, queried from across the room. 

She nodded, and the motion intensified the pain in her head as memories of a giant attacking her replayed in her psyche. She turned her head inch by inch and saw her angel standing near the door. Only this time he looked tired, his short dark hair furrowed from numerous finger run-throughs, and he sported a stubble. He wore jeans and a dark blue T-shirt that stretched across his wide shoulders, the sleeves hugging biceps that looked like they knew their way around a weight machine. He didn’t look like any detective she’d ever seen. But then she’d only ever seen detectives on TV.

Jess raised a heavy hand to her bandaged head and met Rae’s kind brown eyes. “Why?”

“You cracked your head hard enough to have concussion.”

She touched her throat.

Rae’s sympathetic gaze shifted to Jess’s neck. “Besides a few cuts, and bruised ribs, you also suffered a bit of tissue damage to your throat.” 

That explained why even breathing hurt so much.

Rae glanced over her shoulder. “The detective here would like to ask you some questions, but I can send him away if you aren’t up to it.”

Jess followed the nurse’s glance. Her angel/detective stood at a discrete distance, yet his presence filled the room. He trapped her in his silver gaze, held eye contact until her stressed-out heart skipped a beat, and her breathing grew shallow. 

“How... how... long... have I been... here?”

Rae pulled Jess’s chart from its holder. “Two days.” 

To Be Continued...

So now we know Jess’s angel is really a detective.  I love romances with cop heroes. There’s something essentially heroic about cops and they make great heroes.

 

Of course, they’re even more enticing when they’re emotionally wounded. Since no good romance story is complete without a hero with a locked down heart, I’d like suggestions on what you think our hero’s issues should be.

 

Past love broke his heart? Too clichéd. Let’s see if we can come up with something really original.

 

I look forward to reading your suggestions in the comments section!

 

Banner image thanks to FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Six Sentence Sunday 04/11/12 ~ Let’s Pretend #1

This Sunday's six comes from another of my romantic comedies. Let's Pretend is Belle & Luc's reunion story, published by The Wild Rose Press.

 True love needs no pretence

When A&E trauma surgeon Dr. Isobel Murphy married sexy Irish firefighter Lucas Delaney, she knew it was going to be forever. Unfortunately, she didn’t realise forever would only last five short years.

Keeping her failed marriage from her family seems like a piece of cake, until her grandmother calls a family gathering and Belle suspects she’s about to announce a critical illness. Making excuses for Luc’s absence, she flies home to Connecticut.

Then delicious Lucas arrives for the three day get-together, and Belle knows things are going to get dicey. Especially since he still has the power to make her heart miss a beat, and her stomach bottom out.

When Belle asks him to pretend they’re still deeply in love, Luc doesn’t have a problem. He sees an opportunity to reclaim the love of his life. And he goes all out to remind Belle how it used to be between them, before long work hours and clashing schedules invaded their marriage.

What he needs to know, though, is, once the pretence is over, will Belle be applying for her decree absolute? Or will they be renewing wedding vows?


SUNDAY SIX:

A charge of excitement zinged through Belle to settle as heat low in her belly. She plastered on a phony smile of her own, leaned close to him in an effort to ensure they weren’t overheard. "I thought I told you not to overdo the touchy-feely stuff, darling," she whispered.

Luc turned his head toward her, his lips suddenly very close to hers as he gave her a little smile that matched the teasing expression in his eyes. "Would you believe me if I said my finger slipped?" His breath carried a hint of wine as it tickled Belle’s lips, tempting her to lean in and close the hairbreadth separating them.

Copyright (C) Monique DeVere 2010

 

 

Manic Readers said: Read Let’s Pretend as a couple gets an unexpected chance at a second try for love by facing their fears. Wonderful characters and family connections throughout this story will keep you laughing and crying until the very end. (Dreamcatcher--Manic Readers Reviewer)

Thanks for stopping by to read my Six. Should this have whet your appetite for more, you can purchase Let's Pretend from:

TWRP *~* AMAZON *~* AMAZON_UK *~* BARNES & NOBLE *~* SONY READER STORE


Please also check out this week's other participating authors on the official Six Sentence Sunday site HERE.